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  #21  
Old 19th October 2016
Pondatti_Dasan Pondatti_Dasan is offline
 
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Originally Posted by raasug View Post
Your doubt is that your trusted wife is now cheating ! You have explained the reasons for your doubt.

My suggestion is just leave it like that ! Do not get disturbed by this ! I have given a detailed reply for a similar question. Please read the reply No.21 in the following link.

http://www.xossip.com/showthread.php?t=1437924&page=3

After reading that, if you still have any further questions, please feel free to ask.

The reply is in Tamil. I am sure you are able to read and understand. For those who cannot read Tamil, I will be thankful to him, if some one can translate it into Engish.
Read your answer. But its easier said than done. Its not easy to live with a doubt if your wife is fucking someone else and not interested in you. And as you mentioned she is not overly affectionate with me because of the affair. She is almost avoiding me. I feel like a liability with her and believe me you can't live like that your whole life. Even now I am not trying to punish her. If she accepts and promises to stop it I will live with her happily and try my best to satisfy her in whatever way which made her have an affair. So it's not easy to know it and live like nothing is happening. Its easy to say but very very hard to do

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  #22  
Old 19th October 2016
Pondatti_Dasan Pondatti_Dasan is offline
 
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Originally Posted by kamdev_1 View Post
Yes, truth might be bitter or if there is nothing, then sweeter. U need to find out.
Also chk her mobile data.
Thanks bro your suggestions seem to be good will try to get her mobile record somehow. That might help me clear the doubt

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  #23  
Old 19th October 2016
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My friend, it seems you are in deep shit. I agree somewhat with Shawn however you need to sort out your priorities. There are few questions that you need to answer first.

1) If you find out that it is indeed true and consensual, what you are going to do about it?

2) How much do you love your wife? It is not easy to move on after 5 years of great marital life. Are you ready to face the consequences.

3) if by any chance it is not true and she blames you for doubting her integrity, how will you save your marriage ?

Just a simple thing, get the evidence first. If you do not want a cam, use a voice recorder. Cheap and easy to hide but they will give you the idea of what is going on, without you having to see all the gory details. Do not, I repeat do not talk / confront / discuss with her until unless you are not 100% sure and have evidence to prove it.

Though I wish it is just a false alarm but things are not looking good my friend. Good luck.
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  #24  
Old 19th October 2016
breville1 breville1 is offline
 
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You need to talk to her. Explain the reduction in sex, her increase in fantasies, the neighbor reports, visitor logs and how it is causing you concern. She will be angry with you for suspecting her but remind her that in a marriage it is each partner's responsibility to voice their feelings so that misunderstandings can be resolved and mistakes avoided in future.

If there is nothing, and you have to ascertain that, then move on. There is no need to apologize, you've voiced your concern. Be aware that typically you will be faced with "you don't trust me?? You snooped on me??" etc. Remind her about her duty. Remind her that it is normal for a husband to be posesseive and resent another man looking at his wife. Same applies to the wife.

If there is guilt, you will know by her behavior. Anger typically hides things initially. But as the days go by, because she knows that you suspect or know, her behavior will be say a lot.

And remember, there might be another plausible explanation. Neverthe less you must do your duty to voice your feelings.

Unfortunately, she could admit guilt, smooth things over but still carry on outside somewhere. So next step will bw a detective or other surveillance. Could get seriously bad.

Whatever, the process, you first have to talk to her.

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  #25  
Old 19th October 2016
tinminnnn tinminnnn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pondatti_Dasan View Post
The first part of your suggestion was good luring her to believe I was ok with this to find out the truth. But the remaining part of you suggestion doesn't sit well with me. I am not looking for a chance to fuck around wth girls. Even if my wife is cheating I cannot use it as an excuse to cheat her. Trust and loyalty in in a relationship is more important than just sexual pleasure. I value trust more than anything. Even if she has cheated on me I am ready to forgive her if she promises to stop it. Not looking to be in No String attached relationship. It doesn't work with me and our country.
Well bro ,you talk big big things like our country ,trust ,relationship etc. where was your trust when you visited porn sites,xossip with your wife ,it does not suits you, this is another typical Indian hypocritic mentality where they do everything but does not accept it .you visit porn sites with your wife ,this is also not allowed as per our customs ,where was your customs/country etc. then ..

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  #26  
Old 19th October 2016
spark.raj84 spark.raj84 is offline
 
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instead of asking to us, why don't you clear your chest by talking to her regarding this issue. Then you take a decision whether she cheating or not?
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  #27  
Old 19th October 2016
Pondatti_Dasan Pondatti_Dasan is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smart_ashi84 View Post
My friend, it seems you are in deep shit. I agree somewhat with Shawn however you need to sort out your priorities. There are few questions that you need to answer first.

1) If you find out that it is indeed true and consensual, what you are going to do about it?

2) How much do you love your wife? It is not easy to move on after 5 years of great marital life. Are you ready to face the consequences.

3) if by any chance it is not true and she blames you for doubting her integrity, how will you save your marriage ?

Just a simple thing, get the evidence first. If you do not want a cam, use a voice recorder. Cheap and easy to hide but they will give you the idea of what is going on, without you having to see all the gory details. Do not, I repeat do not talk / confront / discuss with her until unless you are not 100% sure and have evidence to prove it.

Though I wish it is just a false alarm but things are not looking good my friend. Good luck.
1) As I mentioned even if she admits to it I am ready to let it go if she agrees to stop it

2) I love my wife more than anything and that why even if she cheats on me I cannot punish her. But I also want her to be loyal. That is my problem

3) As I mentioned in my original post this is my main concern in confronting her. What if its not true. That is the main reason I havent talked to her about it.

Yes as you guys mentioned I will get a phone recorder first and see if I can get something. Praying its all my imagination and not true

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  #28  
Old 19th October 2016
Pondatti_Dasan Pondatti_Dasan is offline
 
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Originally Posted by spark.raj84 View Post
instead of asking to us, why don't you clear your chest by talking to her regarding this issue. Then you take a decision whether she cheating or not?
I have clearly said I wanted some third person view of things. I cant talk about this to family or friends. So an anonymous forum is the only way. Thats why I have posted here.

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  #29  
Old 19th October 2016
breville1 breville1 is offline
 
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Regarding smart ashi84's points,
1. She is bound by marriage, so she is in the wrong. How is she going to stay in th emarriage? You decide whether to file for divorce, separation, etc. Really tough situation.

If you still love her and want her then let her know. The ball is then in her court. She will either take steps to stop or she will continue outside where you cannot follow her (but you will know by her behavior towards you as you feel now). Will take time for things to settle....can't just switch off. If you find her behavior still is causing you concern, then hard discussions have to take place.

2. Or she might simply own up that she no longer loves you, that there is no point in the marriage any more. Continuing in such a marriage for societal conveneience will lead to many daily issues at home, with rest of your family, friends and work. Decisions will have to be made.

3. I say you each have a duty in marriage to talk to each other about any issues, whether they turn out to be true or false. It is better that each one in mentally satisfied and happy about the other. You cannot live together in doubt and suspicion. It will just lead to lots of fights and bad things.

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  #30  
Old 19th October 2016
Pondatti_Dasan Pondatti_Dasan is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by breville1 View Post
You need to talk to her. Explain the reduction in sex, her increase in fantasies, the neighbor reports, visitor logs and how it is causing you concern. She will be angry with you for suspecting her but remind her that in a marriage it is each partner's responsibility to voice their feelings so that misunderstandings can be resolved and mistakes avoided in future.

If there is nothing, and you have to ascertain that, then move on. There is no need to apologize, you've voiced your concern. Be aware that typically you will be faced with "you don't trust me?? You snooped on me??" etc. Remind her about her duty. Remind her that it is normal for a husband to be posesseive and resent another man looking at his wife. Same applies to the wife.

If there is guilt, you will know by her behavior. Anger typically hides things initially. But as the days go by, because she knows that you suspect or know, her behavior will be say a lot.

And remember, there might be another plausible explanation. Neverthe less you must do your duty to voice your feelings.

Unfortunately, she could admit guilt, smooth things over but still carry on outside somewhere. So next step will bw a detective or other surveillance. Could get seriously bad.

Whatever, the process, you first have to talk to her.
What you say is true but only one thing is stopping me is what if its not true. With Indian women its not as easy as you say. I cant just apologise and move on if its not true and I confront her. Every blame will fall on me and our life will be in tatters. That is why I want to confirm things before I confront her. Going to try mobile recorder and see how it goes.I have neighbour saying and security log but if have some concrete proof like her phone recording or cam I can confront her. Even then I want her to come away from it and lead our happy life and not to punish her

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